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Sunday, April 16, 2006

Shit happens!

'Shit happens' is one of my friend's fave sayings. Its hard to know exactly how much i can say on this blog without giving too much away. Its hard wanting to wallow in self pity and yet having to put up a bright face for the person who's the cause of all my self pity. Since its now Easter maybe I should just make this an open letter to God. You may ask why it's an open letter. Well this way if I know someone will read it. God maybe a bit too busy playing with my head to take the time.

Dear God,

Why exactly are you doing this? I understand that you are supposed to have some great plan of your own and I also understand that I have to play my part in that plan but why on earth do I have to go thru' all these little side-trips. What difference would it make if i had a little happiness or none at all. Why do you give hope and then take it away.

Look, I honestly don't see the purpose in this. If it's to show me how much I care, well it still doesn't make any sense cos knowing that I care doesn't make one bit of difference to anyone. It doesn't help me at all. Please please help me have faith in you again. I need to believe that you are working things out in your own way. Cos if that's not the case then putting me through this is unnecessarily cruel.

Still, I find I have faith enough left to believe that tomorrow when I wake up things will make some more sense. Please don't let me down. I need someone to tell me what the f* is going on.