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Thursday, September 13, 2007


People overrate childhood.

We passed a school today. Little kids in white PT uniforms were running inside probably scared they were going to be late. Everyone else in my cab had this fond, 'drooly' expression on their face. Fond memories they said.

What fond memories? Running to school worried that I was late? Worried that I wouldn't get there in time to melt into the background? Hurrying to be there in time for assembly. Half an hour of prayers, preachings, announcements, warnings. Singing the national anthem 5 days a week and the school anthem the sixth.

My day divided into 8 periods. Scurrying to complete the previous days homework. Realising with dismay that I'd left a book at home. Another remark on my calender. Third time unlucky, another walk to the principal's office where I would stand silently raging and promising myself that some day I wouldn't be that helpless. That someday I'd have more control over my life.

Forgetting to wear my white uniform on Thursdays. Having to stand in line for all the world to see. Feeling like an idiot for not remembering.

No control. At the mercy of people and their moods.
Adults and their moods.
Never sure exactly what was right and wrong.
And if it was wrong, WHY it was wrong.

I had a pretty good childhood. Good parents, a good life. I was pretty bright so I never failed in school. (Not that I was happy. Unfortunately I was in the top three in kindergarten and I even won a shield when I as in the first standard. That pretty much set the standard for the rest of my life. Once I was in the second standard, I never came in the top three again. So there I was at the age of 7, doomed to feel like a failure right through school.)

Yeah, I had a nice childhood but the difference between me and most people is that I remember it for what it was. I don't have a highly coloured version of my it running through my head.

I'm glad I'm not a child anymore.


tangled said...

And here I've been wishing I could go back just so I could actually remember what happened...
I have very hazy memories of my life as a child - all I'm sure of is that I was a very blissful and oblivious personality. :) That, I would like to get back.

KD13 said...

Maybe most people can't really remember their childhood.

That would account for the fact that most people think those were the best days of their lives.


tangled said...

Lots of people do remember little things, though. And I cannot believe that my childhood was all that awful. I cannot remember actually being miserable until I first saw myself as a person among other people - and that's the first step out of childhood, surely?

Anonymous said...

At 7 most goans discover Feni :D
so it is not surprising you were bumped from the top three :D

Anonymous said...

Don't you dare corrupt my childhood memories. I had a wonderful childhood with not a single problem and anyone who tries to convince me otherwise will get a bloody nose.