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Saturday, May 10, 2014

Counselling queries

Rhetorical question - How do you decide whose needs should be prioritized?

Case study:  Consider two people - A & B.  When A is upset, B is loving and patient.  When B is upset, A is caring and devoted.  Sounds good, right? Well the problem is that recently both A and B were upset.  About different things. And B wasn't there for A.  A was cranky and wanted support and B just disappeared.  B was probably just doing the best he/she could.  Backing off rather than getting into a fight. But is that the only option?  As a third party observer I honestly couldn't tell you who had more right to be upset. I've been in similar situations and I don't have a solution to give them.  I just know that this way no one is happy.  And that they need to figure out a way to deal with this.  And then they need to tell me how to deal with similar situations too...

Friday, May 09, 2014

Walking away?

When is it time to walk away?

It's hard for someone like me to know when it's time.  I'm too focused on the good and that's dangerous.  Yes, the man with the smelly clothes may not mean to harm me, but if he's drunk and behind the wheel, his good intentions are not going to make a difference.  When his car hits me, his plea of "I never meant to hurt you" is not going to cushion my fall.

I should be able to recognize danger to myself - and I need to understand, with every cell of my being, that good intentions are not enough.  Specially good intentions in selfish people.  In fact why go so far as good intentions - I'm the kind of person that's settling for lack of bad intentions.  - "Why yes ma'am, I may get hurt, but you see he doesn't mean for me to get hurt.. I'm collateral damage.. He thinks life should be lived one day at a time, and so what if that means that I get hurt at the end - that's my choice isn't it - why should he take the blame for any of that..."

Part of the problem is my obsession with signs - If you pray to God and say "Thy will be done" for a year - and then you get a new job - won't you assume that you should take it?  And when things get rough, won't you say to yourself - "God wouldn't have brought this job to me if it wasn't meant to be..."  So God, the ball is in your court.  I don't want the little teensy signs - you brought this into my life - man up and take responsibility for it.  I'm willing to do whatever you want me to - but BE CLEAR!!!