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Sunday, August 31, 2014

August 2014 - An ending

August 2014 - So many things can happen in a month... Some good, some bad

True to form, I'm going to write about the bad - hoping that this blog will help me process my life as it did 8 years ago when it made me who I am.

I'm so picky about my friends because I truly believe I have high standards.  And because I pick them so carefully I usually never hesitate to give them my all.  Because of which, when for the first time a friend accused me of 'conduct-unbecoming-a-friend', I was shattered.  I'm so used to my friends trusting me and knowing that I would do anything for them maybe it was just a gigantic kick to my ego.  But jokes apart - yes, it hurt. And yes, it broke me. And yes, I crawled into my head and licked my wounds until other friends finally told me to snap out of it because to them I've been the friend I always believed myself to be.  So, here I am, once again myself again. Thanks to those who reminded me I'm so much more than one person's opinion of me.  Scarred again, but hell, whats a few scars anyway.  Down the road they just remind you how strong you are.

That was a few weeks ago, but much worse than that was in store.  Once again I've been proved wrong.  And the funny thing is I wasn't even trying to be proved right or wrong.  I made a request, a simple one.  One that could be fulfilled by the expenditure of time and caring.  The problem with making simple requests is that it feels so much worse when they are ignored.  Ask for something complicated and you can tell yourself that the person couldn't grant it.  Ask for something simple and you'll feel every denial like a million little reminders of how unimportant your request was.  So how was I wrong?  I didn't think the request was a big deal.  Its only now, when I'm feeling like a discarded tissue (my favourite metaphor) that I realize what a big deal the repercussions of denial of a small request can be.

I hope September is better...