If you know me in the 'real-world'... Keep it to yourself.

Do NOT tell my friends and family about this blog!

This blog is a work in progress. Eventually, when it grows up, it wants to look pretty. Or maybe dark and dangerous.

Hmm... well come back later and see for yourself...

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Friday, October 31, 2014

Walking through life as a woman...

Earlier today...

A Hindu Mahasabha made its usual noises about how women should dress, and someone posted it n FB.  I read it and scrolling through the comments I saw some guy (who otherwise sounded sane) said they only had good intentions and wanted to reduce rapes and there was nothing wrong with what they said.  Now that got my goat!  I expect extremist people to be extremist, communal people to be communal etc, but it annoys me when someone who sounds sane and 'normal' sides with something I think is irrational. I expressed my dislike for his comment, he asked why and I explained that though I was willing to believe he had good intentions I was unwilling to explain since I can't explain something like 'personal liberty'.

People either understand concepts like 'personal liberty' and 'choice' or they don't.  Personal liberty is something that is taken for granted, or aspired to, in advanced civilizations, but it is a luxury that cannot be understood by many. People who are capable of understanding, already do.

Just as I would not try to explain the concept of avoiding bad food to a starving African child, in the same way I would never bother explaining these concepts to anyone who doesn't get it. It would take too much time and effort and the child would look at you as if you are crazy.  To someone who is about to die for lack of food, the idea of unhealthy food is ridiculous.

To people who are struggling to build fires at night for light, the idea of electricity probably seems heretical.

And to people who believe that society comes before the individual - and for whom society consists of depraved and lustful men waiting to pounce on any female form - the idea that a woman might wear a pretty skirt just for the pleasure of feeling good about herself is probably ridiculous and threatening.

This video I saw shortly after my comment, reinforces that being advanced or enlightened is a state of mind rather than a geographical location.

For the many men who don't understand how a hello from a stranger can be harassment - I can't explain - there are subtle cues of behaviour which should tell you which women just want to be left alone.  Brush up on your intuition, go for sensitivity classes, or just take my word for it.  Women can even tell the difference between a blank stare and a lecherous one.

Lastly, there are many men out there who understand and stand up for the rights of women... If you are one of them - I can only say Thank You...

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Split in my head...

I'm kinda proud of this one - I wrote it all together... no re-writes and edits...

Everything hurts
I'm in so much pain
Broken and beaten
Shattered once again

Once again I've been hurt
Once again I'm a mess
Do you know who's responsible
Care to venture a guess?

Its me of course darlin'
once again I've kicked my ass
once again I stand victorious
Over my bleeding carcass

I've slaughtered the weak
Laid waste to the soft
Ploughed the broken ground
Held my spoils aloft

Made myself cry
Until my tears ran red
Felt the weight of sadness descend
Until I'd rather my heart bled

And now I stand upright
And now I lay fallen
Victor and vanquished both
With both beginning to burn

The end is kinda weak and could be re-written better but then I wouldn't be able to say it was done without a rewrite so will leave it as it is here at least...

Disclaimer: I started it without knowing where it would end, but I do have to acknowledge that half way through I thought of Fun - Some Nights...

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Being Honest vs. Ignoring

When you care about people it's hard to hurt them.... I get that.  But in the important things sometimes it's kinder to be cruel.

If you know someone sucks at photography, you can't encourage them to quit their job and take it up.
Of course if they are convinced they are spectacular at it you may still not want to butt in and shatter their dream. After all stranger things have happened. But what if they asked you for your honest opinion. At least then you'd tell them the truth, right?

And if you know your life is better without someone in it, and they ask you that flat out, it's probably best to just tell them the truth. Don't stay silent or hem and haw cos you don't want to hurt their feelings.  Do them the courtesy of telling them the truth.  Ignoring a direct question is rude.  Of course this is assuming they have been decent to you - if they are pieces of crap then ignore all I said and be rude!

My Crazy Phone

My phone is insane....Aarrrrrggghhhh!!!!!!

It seems possessed by an imp that activates different portions of the screen - so far it's selected whatsapp messages and tried to forward them by itself, it's wreaked havoc with my FB app, and I honestly don't know why I'm still tolerating it.

Okay - that's a lie - I do know.  I hope that a proper screenguard will fix the hyper sensitivity of the screen. Unfortunately - since I apparently live in the world time forgot - I've had to order one which will take 20 days to reach me. (Please note that the @#$%@ phone reached me in 2 days after I ordered it.)

Just one more way God is screwing with me these days.  You'd think He'd get bored and go worry someone else....

Or at least if He's hanging around enjoying the fun you'd think He'd fix all my other non-funny problems.... Grrrr....

Thursday, October 23, 2014

My Best Friend

I've been scared of having human best friends - cos I always lose them... the only ones who have survived are those that came in a group and stayed on. It was so bad at one time, that for a period of about five years I was scared to tag anyone as my best friend because I was so convinced that I had been cursed. (And for those of you who think maybe it was me driving them away - :-p to you. It was life - yes there were fights n upsets at times, but more common were life events... things like their parents arbitrarily moving to another state, changing of schools, or a friend flunking and having to repeat the year, etc.)

So anyway, time passed and I kind of started treating this fear of mine as a joke - in fact a few years ago I jokingly started saying that Google was my best friend.

Recently I've realised maybe the curse wasn't a joke after all (more on that some other time)
Anyway, today I'm thinking about transferring that title to this blog.  I've thought about this and the only thing it can't do is give me the personal touch - it can't hug me, or wipe my eyes when I cry, or laugh at me when I'm being silly, or go out with me when I need company... but a long distance friend couldn't do that either... so maybe this could be my long distance friend.

Maybe this will stop me from giving a human being that position and opening myself up to the risk of losing a 'best friend' again.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Two posts... Two apps... Two languages... One message...

I saw one posted on FB, the other was posted in a Whatsapp group the same day... 

Saturday, October 18, 2014

I wish...

Read this on a forum, posted on April 19, 2013...

[quote=pwimbs79]I will say this to all of you. A person who I considered a little sister blocked me last month on Facebook and Twitter. The reason was because she wanted to end her life and I called the authorities in order to save her life. It will be a month on Monday April 22nd and I am still reeling from it. My friend blocked me from her Facebook profile, her Facebook fan page then a week later her Twitter page.

I  have been stressing out for three weeks I lost weight, sleep, and got a cold sore. Right now it has been very tough to deal with because I have not been in contact with her since March 22nd. I hold no ill will towards her at all I made it clear to her in my last message that I will always be there to help in anyway possible. I told her that would never turn my back on her, I am still here for my friend. I was always there supporting her because for weeks she wanted to end her life but every time I talked her out of it. Secondly her birthday was April 14th she turned 24 and I could not wish her Happy Birthday to save my life. Nearly three weeks ago she wanted to take her life now she is still here and a year older.

People have been telling me to give it time and keep my head up she will come around. All I can do at this point is keep her in prayer and wait. The waiting game is not easy and sometimes I blame myself replaying that Friday night in my head over and over. It's not easy when you help and support someone and they do not want to talk to you. I pray daily that the lines of communication be reopened.  I just wanted to share this with all of you.[/quote]

Am copying it here verbatim because it moved me so much... been hearing so much about people suffering from depression. I'm just hoping that in this connected world every sad soul finds someone to share with. 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Being Replaced

We all like to tell ourselves we're special - and that's why it hurts so much when we're replaced. For when you're replaced you realize that your role wasn't unique.  You realize that people appreciated you more for the role you were playing than for who you really were.  And that's why you should hold on to the people who can't and won't replace you.  People who love you for who you are and who cannot find that particular combination of quirks, good, evil, madness, mayhem, love, caring, etc that you bring to the table.

If someone likes you because you're their friend, then they can always find another friend to replace you... but when they like you for being you - they can't.

So if you have people like that in your life, hold on to them, hug them tight, and enjoy the feeling of being loved in return...

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Trying to be better

Isn't it an absolute truism that you end up hurting the people you care about the most? I know I often do. Sometimes I don't care, sometimes I do.

But in the end, if you truly care, you have to give people what they want/need - and in my eternal quest to save my soul, I'm trying.

Sometimes I wonder why I try to be nice or good or whatever - am I looking for admiration - not from others maybe (cos a lot of it is secret) - but from myself? Do I want to rest on my laurels and tell myself I tried? My most recent conclusion is that I am trying to bribe earn my way into heaven. For some reason I know I'm not nice enough, not good enough, for God and the gatekeepers. So I try. Oh so hard. Sometimes I act instinctively and my bad side comes out... but when I have a moment to think - when I have a moment to choose - I'm trying oh so hard to make the good choices - to make people happy.

It's the Harry Potter theory - Harry chose to be in Gryffindor and that choice made him who he was. The concept blew my mind when I first understood it, and it's directed my efforts ever since. Maybe I'm not a good person instinctively - but I'm trying to choose to be, every time I can.  And maybe that will be enough for God and he will stop punishing me.

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

Sunday, October 05, 2014

Scoring with small things

I re-read a book I'd read a long time ago (Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus) and wanted to share just one of the many wonderful lessons it contains -

Men and women keep score differently.

Men give low scores to everyday acts of love/service and high scores to what they consider big gestures. Women give every act a score of one.

Moral of the story - If you want a guy to feel you've done something great for him, don't bother about the small everyday things - get him one big thing.
To please a woman - one big thing would only get the giver a score of one - so the only way to rack up a high score would be to do small things everyday.

Will edit this post later.  Just wanted to capture the thought right away... It's important and often neglected.

Saturday, October 04, 2014

Snapdeal Ad - Creepy!!!

Saw an ad for Snapdeal that made my head spin for a bit... some guy raving about how his gf's younger sister is cute and roams about with them - apparently making it a two for one deal. Yucks!!!

They couldn't possibly have fallen into that one by mistake... which means that more than one wacko thought the ad was a good idea.... super creepy!!!